Four Horsemen Worksheet

The Four Horsemen is a method of describing four destructive communication patterns in a relationship. Each communication style is a warning sign of unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Relationships are at high risk of failing if healthier communication methods are not learned to replace the Four Horsemen. Because of this, it is important to address unhealthy communication patterns in therapy.

About This Worksheet

Teaching clients healthy communication methods to reduce the Four Horsemen can significantly improve the quality of a relationship. The Four Horsemen each have antidotes or skills that can be taught to couples to reduce unhealthy communication patterns.

The Four Horsemen worksheet provides an explanation and example of each unhealthy communication style. It also offers healthy methods of reducing harmful communication patterns. Adults who are participating in couples counseling can benefit from the information provided on this worksheet.

Instructions

Provide a copy of the worksheet to each partner and briefly explain the Four Horsemen. Use the table to explain each of the Four Horsemen and your observations of how they present in the relationship.

Instruct the couple to answer the reflection questions on their own. When they are done, review their responses with them. Ask each partner:

• How can you hold yourself accountable for modifying your behavior?
• What is your main motivator for changing how you speak to your partner?

Explain how healthier communication patterns can be incorporated into the relationship using the antidotes as a reference.

References

Gottman Institute. (2024, October 15). The four horsemen: Recognizing criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute.

Gottman Institute. (2013, April 26; updated 2024, November 21). The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes. The Gottman Institute.

Download Four Horsemen Worksheet